Janette the Spy
by Laura and Amber
Summary: Monogram's got a crazy assignment for Perry but can the monotreme handle a round-the-clock job or will Doofenshmirtz catch on too quickly? Rated T for some mature content. Perryshmirtz
1. Chapter 1

"Okay, goodnight!", Heinz Doofenshmirtz said as he closed the door.

He closed the door behind him and began to climb the stairs of the DEI. Tonight was a good night. To night was one of the greatest nights of his life. His online dating had finally given him a stroke of luck as he, or so he believed very firmly in his mind, had found the perfect girl for him. And tonight only showed it even more. It's been some months now since they've dated and even though he's been a dork and hasn't really been able to focus on his evil plans, everything in his world was going...

'Perfect.', his date, Jane, thought to herself as she walked back home. 'It's 12 after 10 and I'm gonna get reamed when I get back home, but even still tonight was...perfect! The only word I can think of for it! Everything went so smoothly. And for once, I feel even better about going home than I ever had.'

Jane walked into her apartment building. It was only a few blocks away from the DEI. She walked up the stairs, came into the room, and paused. She carefully sat her purse down. Slipped off her high heels and crept through the room. She managed to get by the kitchen but her luck ran out.

"There you are!", Carl said as he came around the corner from his bedroom. "I was just about to go to sleep when I thought I heard the door close."

Jane rolled her eyes with a slight smile and sat on the back of the couch as the little unpaid intern began to interrogate her.

"What happened? How come you're so late? You know you still have your day job to hold up and-", Carl began, worriedly.

"Carl.", Jane said haltingly. "We were having a bit too much fun. I'm okay. He's alright. I'm sorry for being 45 minutes late, but you and Monogram have to remember that YOU guys sat me up for this job."

"I know, I know. But Monogram's waiting and I can't keep covering for you like this.", Carl explained.

"Well that's why you let ME handle it then.", she said with a smile and headed to her room.

Jane walked into her bedroom and sat down at her make-up mirror where Monogram's face was, waiting impatiently.

"There you are, Agent P!", Monogram began to bark. "What in the world has been keeping you so late?"

"I'm sorry sir.", the woman replied. "I had to say yes or he'd suspect something. But everything's okay. He's still on about it. And I'm gonna see him again in a couple of nights."

She took off most her jewelry as she spoke and Monogram sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Well then I guess I'll see you in the morning.", he noted. "Good work Agent P. It won't be long now."

"Thank you sir.", she said with a nod. "Good night."

"Night."

They saluted and the mirror turned back to normal. Jane took off her earrings and the room began to spin like it normally did. When it was finally over and the stomach finally settled, Perry the Platypus opened his eyes and looked back around the room. Yup. It's been about half a year since this had become the norm. The platypus went to bed as it began to think of back to the beginning of it all. The day he was assigned this crazy mission of having to play love-doll to Doof at night and still be a platypus fighting for justice in the day. It was a crazy roller coaster that first few days and Perry began to drift off to sleep as the memory settled over his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Perry woke up that morning, already feeling his tail numb by the snow storm outside of the cave he was sleeping in. He stretched a bit in his sleeping bag. It was hard to stay awake with such a cold climate but he was so close to his target. He had been sent away on a private mission for Major Monogram which had landed him to near the top of a huge mountain, far from Danville. It had been 3 months since he had seen the Flynn-Fletchers and the agent missed them dearly. But duty calls and he finally pulled himself to wake up and get back to work. He packed up his gear and started to head back out at the same time as a large group of bats. They rushed by his head and he ducked to make sure not to get in their way. After watching them fly off, he sighed to himself and began to climb again.

'If I get rabies from this trip, I'm gonna spread them to Monobrow.', Perry thought bitterly to himself. 'The government can't pay me enough for this...'

Back at headquarters with Monogram, the major paced back and forth, tapping his foot nervously when he stopped. It was almost time. He could practically hear the doors behind him and Carl opening up to his agent walking in, confirming the completion of his mission. He looked up at the clock. Any minute, now. He could almost hear Carl right at the moment.

"Agent P! You're back!"

The major blinked. That wasn't his mind. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the intern had said actually said it and Perry was indeed back. Monogram smiled and turned around.

"Ah, good you're back.", he nodded. "I take it your mission was a success?"

Perry gave a nod and a smile before digging in his bag and tossing a small vial over to his leader. Monogram caught it and examined it.

"Still cold. Perfect.", he nodded but then seemed confused. "It's yellow?"

"That one's on the house, Franny.", Perry chattered, still annoyed at the silly mission.

"Excellent work Agent P.", Monogram smiled down at the platypus before suddenly tossing the vial into a nearby trash can. "But that wasn't a real mission."

'WHAT?', Perry thought as he stared at the trashcan.

"We only wanted you to get away from Danville for a few months.", Monogram explained.

"If this is some stupid vacation idea-!", Perry quietly growled, feeling like he just wasted a whole 3 motnhs for nothing.

"Don't worry, it's not some stupid vacation idea.", Monogram said coincidentally. "The real mission is actually going to be given to you by Carl."

Perry blinked, now officially confused as he looked over at Carl who stood up excitedly. He came over and handed a small box which he opened to reveal a pair of small blue earrings. Perry looked into the box and gave a polite smile as he pushed it a bit a way with a slight shake of his head.

'Nice.. But not my style, Dude.', he thought.

"No, Agent P. You HAVE to put them on.", Monogram instructed.

Perry folded his arms across his chest and looked away defiantly.

'I am NOT gonna wear earrings.', he thought to himself. 'Take away my family and my home, but piercing the sides of my head is where I draw the line.'

"Now Agent P, you're going to wear these earrings.", Monogram ordered as he glared down at the agent. "They're clip-ons and they'll look good on you! It'll go good with your hat."

Perry rolled his eyes and put them on, clipping them to his fur one at a time. As soon as the second was on, the room began to spin around the agent. He grabbed his head and shut his eyes tightly as he tried to keep his balance. It failed as the platypus couldn't help but fall over. Everything spun faster and faster and for a moment, Perry felt like he was going to throw up when things finally seemed to calm down.

'Wait... That's not fur... That's... Skin?', the agent thought it felt a hand rub its eyes.

Perry opened the eyes and quickly yelled seeing a human hand in place of a paw. Standing up suddenly gave a head rush but looking around, Perry could quickly tell that there wasn't a platypus body anymore. Or, obviously, a boy's for that matter. Perry was a tall, black haired, female human who was fortunate enough to already be wearing clothes. A dark blue tank top and jeans with orange high-heel boots. While Perry was freaking out over her new identity and new looks, Monogram and Carl exchanged glances. Carl simply shrugged.

"I think it's working better than I estimated.", he said with a small smile.

"Well at least then we don't have to dress up a man in woman's clothes.", Monogram shrugged uncaring. "Now, Agent P I'm sure this is all a little odd to you but here's what the plan is. We needed you to be away from Danville for a few months. As you know, we've had other agents cover your shift with Dr. Doofenshmirtz but your family has come to think of you as missing."

Perry turned around in fear as her brown eyes widened. The family thought she was missing? Could this day get any worse?

"But this is really good. Now you don't have the pressure of your exfamily discovering your a secret agent. Instead, you'll be living with Carl.", Monogram explained.

'Just got worse.', Perry thought to herself as she hid her face in her hands. 'Well... At least that's just the bad news.. But why..?'

"And for about a month now, Carl has been emailing back and forth with Doofenshmirtz via online dating."

"And he is quite the conversationalist.", Carl said with a smile.

"Carl...", Monogram warned. "Anyway, and so you're going to have to go back and forth of fighting him as platypus on your daily basis..."

'And..?', Perry waited to hear the rest, fearing the worst.

"...As well as posing as a police woman and...dating Doofenshmirtz.", Monogram said, understanding the awkwardness of the situation.

Everything just went from worse, to heck in a hand basket. Perry stared in absolute shock. Did she hear right? Was her human ears working right? PERRY...HAD to date...her nemesis? Perry took a couple of steps back before falling over, needing to sit. Fortunately there was a chair behind her and she held her head as she tried hard not to pass out. The one person she hated more than anything else in the world and she had to DATE him?

"...Now Agent P, I KNOW this is really weird for you..", Monogram began to say, keeping it slow so as not to get an over reaction. "BUT at least it ends...kinda good."

Perry only looked up at him in distraught. How on earth could any GOOD come out of all this?

"We all know Doof would bend over backwards to impress a lady. With his bad history, it's no real surprise. Who wouldn't? And with that in mind and YOU being a police woman, he's bound to not bring up anything evil! If you can get him to fall for you, then he could possibly drop evil for good. But of course, this also means that you... Well you can't ever just dump him after he's stopped being evil. That'd give him every reason in the world to revert back. So you'd have to...marry him as well."

The was the last straw.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN' MIND?", Perry exploded as she stood up out of her chair, unable to restrain herself any more. "You take away my family, force me to live as a human with Carl, and then dump on the extra responsibility of marrying my moronic nemesis? I'd rather freeze on that mountain before I married a man like Doofenshmirtz!"

Monogram simply glared down at her and kept his ground. Perry realized the mistake and her expression completely changed to mortification as she clasped a hand over her mouth.

"I'm-! I'm s-sorry Sir! I-I didn't mean to..!", she began before her boss raised a hand.

"I understand. It's cumbersome to take this all in one sitting but we don't have much time. You're to have your first date with him tonight.", he calmly said. "But it's good that you hate him that much. If you fell for him while he's still evil, you'll have to lose your job entirely or else you'd be internally conflicted when having to fight him in the day time."

She gave a small nod in understanding, making sure to hold her tongue and hold back the gag reflex of the idea of dating him.

"So, with that being said, before you go, we need to check if you could retain your normal agent skills as a human as well as being able to walk and talk.", he gave a small shrug and smile. "Apparently the talking isn't really an issue."

Perry only felt her cheeks burn for a moment with the embarrassment of blowing up at her boss. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it as several practice dummies came up from the floor to challenge her. One drew a laser and blasted but wasn't fast enough as she quickly jumped up to dodge it and soon land on the shoulders of another. She kicked it in the back, causing it to crash into another and used the back to flip over to a third, grabbing it by the shoulders before coming down backwards, landing on her feet and dragging it with her, smashing the machine into the floor in front of her. She noticed she missed one as it brought up its laser and fired at her. She made up for it though by quickly pulling out a hand mirror in her pocket and blasting the same beam back at it and finishing it off nicely. She stood back up and turned to Monogram with a small smile and walked over before suddenly slipping on her high-heels and falling over backwards. Monogram couldn't help but laugh as Carl came over to offer a hand.

"You'll learn how to walk in high-heels plenty well, I'm sure.", the Major said before giving a chuckle and continuing. "Can you talk much?"

"I'll admite, it's a bid weird to not have a tail..", she said, stammering plenty.

"Okay, Carl's going to have to help you on that when you two go shopping for a wardrobe.", Francis simply shrugged. "You know your assignment so that's all. I'll be seeing you tonight and drive you to your first date."

The major saluted the two and they returned before heading out. As they did, Perry hung her head so Carl wouldn't see as a tear floated down her cheek with the understanding that from that moment on, her future was in the hands of the one person she hated the most.


	3. Chapter 3

They walked out of the parking lot into the Winter's crisp air and after climbing into Carl's car, they left Owca for the apartment in town. Little was said at first in the car ride as the heater warmed them up and for a moment, Carl was thinking of starting a subject with his new room mate. Although, of course, what can you say? He thought about asking about the trip, but thought it would be bad to bring up a worthless mission Perry had to work hard on. Thought about the apartment but there wasn't much subject on that. Finally he had a good idea and opened his mouth to say it but Perry beat him to the punch.

"I CAN'D BELIEVE THIS!", the agent yelled finally. "I go away for 6 whole monz, climbing mounain after mounain for the righd snow! The FREAKING SNOW! Caves. Frosbite. Numb-feelin. Bats. Lack of food. No water till I was DOWN hill. And all for wha? To suddenly be sat up to marry that FREAK! That idiot! The whineest brat I've ever had to deal with? And to put frosting on the cake I loose my FAMILY and I'm a HUMAN! A human! Da heck's up wit that? Dos evey agent go through this? Is dis how Agent U went? No! Of course not! It's MY luck! This is MY bad luck! MY life could only lead me to have a boss that supports me and my nemeesis like we were just a stupid soap opera to him! Does he even TINK about what I may want to say in all this? Does he even have any cuncern for MY feelings on this idea and how riplusive it is? Does he care at all?"

Having finished her rant and giving a huff of exasperation, she leaned back in her seat and stared angrily out the window. Carl was not only bewildered by the agent's sudden burst bit also unsure of what really to say. After a moment's consideration, he finally cleared his throat and began;

"Well.. I think he.. To be perfectly honest, I don't really see Francis as caring much about what any of us has to say to his crazy schemes.", he shrugged.

Perry looked up in astonishment at Carl's statement and said, "Did you just call him 'Francis'?"

"Only when I'm off the clock.", Carl replied. "I am sorry you lost your family, Agent P."

"Pleez, jus call me 'Perry'.", she shrugged. "...until I find a more feminine name. Sorry about my blow-up. I'm jus.. Oh, gosh.."

She leaned against the dashboard and sighed, knowing the stress of the upcoming mission. Carl tried to comfort her but in slight vain. There they practiced talking right. Perry was quick to learn and the issue became non-important. They soon came up to the apartment.

"Welcome to the humble abode!", Carl said in a fake-proud tone.

The apartment was small and rather worn-down looking. There was a small living room area on one side that the door opened up to and a kitchen opposite of it with a small wall dividing the two rooms from each other. There was a short hallway on the wall opposite of where Perry and Carl stood obviously leading to bedrooms and a bathroom. Perry managed a small smile as she stepped in and tried to give a good note about the oddly painted shades of yellow on the walls.

"Well it's not much but of the few days I've spent here, it's not too bad.", Carl shrugged, knowing it wasn't the best.

"The few days? You mean you don't normally live here?", she asked.

"I'm an unpaid intern for Monogram.", Carl shrugged. "I've lived at Owca until now."

"Ouch..", Perry felt a little bad for the teen. "You never lived anywhere else? What about college? Or don't you have a family? You're only a teenager."

"Yeah, 19 this December. But you see Perry I don't... Well I don't really have a family, I was an orphan all my life and when I turned 15 I had to go find a job to support myself around the orphanage.", Carl explained with a shrug. "I thought Owca would pay but instead I got a place to stay. That's...kinda why I work hard at making Monogram proud of me. The closest thing I had to any means of a family aside from the kids back at the orphanage."

She felt her heart sink, hearing him say all this and was surprised at how he didn't seem to even care much. But after she was given the tour about the apartment, Carl introduced her room and noted that there were a couple of dresses Mrs. Monogram had held onto the last few years that they were to use to try to determine Perry's new size. Carl left her to change but when he came back, found that the situation was going to be more tough that thought of.

"Wh-? Perry, you're supposed to put it on AFTER you take off what you're first wearing.", Carl said rolling his eyes slightly.

Perry gave a shrug in confusion and asked, "Why?"

Carl sighed and after a moment, thought of a way he could probably help relate.

"It's like... Like... Changing your fur. People change their 'fur' to different things. Sometimes to get warmer, sometimes to feel cooler, mostly all in the sense of what looks best to them.", he tried to explain. "Does that make any sense? I mean, if you just layer clothes on top of each other, during the Summer especially, you're gonna be sweating to death."

Perry cringed a bit, hearing that and gave a nod.

"Okay... I think I get it.", she said slowly.

"You...don't seem really sure..", Carl said, catching a hint.

"Well... I'm sorry but.. I guess I don't really get it all the way. People change furs to look...nice?"

"Mm... Most of the time... But it's kinda confusing to get into.", Carl gave a sigh and walked in, helping pulling off the dress Perry had placed on over top. "You're lucky this is all for our profession or else this would be REALLY perverty. I'll help you try on the clothes and find your size but when we go shopping and get you your wardrobe, you're gonna have to try on the clothes yourself, kay?"

"Sounds good.", she smiled, glad for the help.

After finding the right size and getting dressed in the first change of clothes again, the two headed out again. They looked around the store for clothes for Perry. Carl rolled his eyes a bit, knowing the embarrassment it was for a guy like him to be seen choosing clothes with an older girl but decided not to try to worry about it much. They found somethings and as they walked on, Carl noticed the cosmetics and decided to ask the agent about them.

"Well... What's it for?", she asked, not knowing.

"It's like uh... It helps people look nicer.", Carl tried to explain, earning a curious glare from his partner. "...Sometimes. And I don't mean that towards you! I mean.. Think.. Think about it like... Ah forget it, you don't need any."

He shrugged it off and they walked on, also coming up to the jewelry. He explained and asked but she declined. Though as they walked by, she noticed a small stand of perfumes. When Carl explained trying to describe it as animal pheromones, she picked up a "try me!" bottle, stared at it curiously and accidentally sprayed herself in the face. Carl tried hard not to laugh but Jane rubbed her eyes in pain and sat it back, trying hard not to crush the bottle in her grasp from her aggravation. When girly things were done and out of the way, they picked up some food, a few kitchen supplies, and checked out.

After putting the groceries away, the rest of the day was spent to human lessons. Everything from talking and writing, to posture, to how to eat human food, to actual date-like behavior. During a dance-lesson, Perry had already been a part of Doof's danceinator but she still hadn't told anyone. She quickly took lead over Carl, twirling him around and dipping him back, surprising the young adult.

"...O-kay, looks like you've got that down.", he said with a slight blush.

She chuckled and stood him back up.

"Is that normal? For people's faces to get red?", she asked.

"Well when they're not only upstaged by a girl but also upstaged by an animal who's only just NOW become a human girl, it kinda puts one, especially a guy, in an awkward position and makes them blush. Yeah.", his colored had cooled off now.

She giggled. It was really weird what humans did. Granted, she lived around them, but her job kept here away throughout so much of the day, she hardly spent time with the Flynn-Fletchers.

"So humans blush when they're feeling awkward?"

"Or when they're in love. Or embarrassed which, I guess, goes with awkward.", he shrugged. "It's not really something you need to worry about, though."

"Well between you and me, I've danced with Heinz once before.", she admitted, making the other raise a curious eyebrow. "He had a danceinator and we both got hit."

Carl couldn't help but laugh. She joined in, shaking her head in memory. But as the human-lessons gone over with such fun, the night itself, however, was of a completely different mind-frame.

* * *

_The misspellings are on purpose. Perry's having trouble saying her words right till Karl runs her through the idea of grammar. And just to ensure no accidental suspicion, I plan on having Karl and Perry have a sort of sister-sibling relationship throughout this story (and I say sister-SIBLING because I plan for Karl to not only act like a boy once in a while as he should, but also to be sort of sisterly to Perry in later chapters WITHOUT being gay or romantically attached to Perry)._


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh!", Heinz paced back and forth nervously infront o f the resteraunt. "Why do I have to be like this EVERY date?"

His stomach was in a knot since that morning but with every hour closer to the date, it only tightened, making him feel literally sick. Every time he dated a girl he would get like this and since no date really ended in true pleasure, it only made him fear that it would happen again. Try as the man might to keep his head on his shoulders, it always wanted to fall off at the smallest of things.

Elsewhere in the city, Perry was equally anxious about the ordeal. Her nemeis. Her FREAKING NEMESIS! And she had to DATE him! She couldn't tell if it was the anxiety or if she was just getting carsick as Monogram pulled up into the parking lot. Once 6 o'clock rolled by, Perry was just about ready to scream at the mere mention of dinner and she yelped when she saw Monogram's car pull up at the apartment. And now they were pulling up. 7:30 pm and she felt ready to die.

After the car pulled into a lot and Monogram briefed her once again to keep the conversation light and to be ready to be picked up at exactly 9 in that specific location.

"It's just a first date. I don't fully expect him to propose so just make sure there'll be a second tonight.", Monogram was saying as she stared out the window nervously. "And try not to blow your cover."

"Yes Sir.", she replied quietly.

"Alright then. Good luck Agent P.", Monogram nodded.

She gave a nod and headed out. When she came up to the doors of the resturaunt, she couldn't help but smile a bit as she saw Heinz patiently sitting on a bench nearby, tapping his foot and staring down at the sidewalk. When she came closer, he glanced up, wondering who was coming by, but quickly looked back down again.

'It couldn't be her.', the thought-balloon over his head said, making her smile a bit more.

Perry knew him all too well to guess anything else and was perfectly on the mark. She decided to play "innocent" in this situation and putting on a cute smile, she walked over to him, catching his attention once again.

"Excuse me. I have a blind-date with a 'Strudelcutie4427'. Are you him?", she asked almost shyly.

As soon as the name had began to be said, Heinz's eyes grew wide with shock. Of all the people in the online-dating world, THIS was his date? This thin, young-looking, raven-haired, beauty wearing a dark blue, long-sleeved dress? Was HIS date?

'Okay, what's her mental disorder?', Heinz began to wonder, feeling like he was going to be seeing his dinner after the date. "Y-yes!"

He almost leapt from his seat as he stood up.

"I.. uh, I-I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz.", he said shakily, holding out a hand to shake.

She smiled and accepted the offer when she suddenly realized she hadn't come up with a cover-name for her yet.

"I'm... Uh... I'm-I'm uh..", she started to stammer, trying to find a name on the spot.

Heinz looked at her curiously, wondering if she was just nervous or if there was something else.

"Er...J-Janette!", she finally said smiling again and praying he would fall for it. "Janette Karl. Jane for short."

He smiled again, relaxing some and said, "Jane? That's beautiful. I love that name."

She relaxed a bit more herself and they walked inside. Once seated and took their orders, conversation was in need of being brought up. But aside from the awkwardness of Jane's part and Heinz's nervousness, one huge issue was brought between the two as is normally the case. What subject?

'I can't just go on and say, 'Sorry I haven't seen you in the half year. I had to climb mountains' nor ask anything about him. I'm undercover!', she thought desperately for a subject when suddenly the other popped up with something instead.

"It-It's kinda weird huh?", Heinz suddenly asked, blushing a bit. "Y-you talk online a lot but all of a sudden, when the screen's not there it's like.. Pff! Pow! Y-You can't uh.."

"Can't find anything to talk about?", Jane asked, wanting to laugh some.

"Exactly. Yeah. I mean.. We've already talked a good deal about each other.. What can we really say?", he shrugged.

"W-well I can't really think of much to ask cause... Well cause it's a first time for me really.", she shrugged. "Don't exactly know how things go."

The man stared at her. A complete "What the snot are you talking about?" written all over him. Suddenly the statement that Jane had just said, felt like a terrible thing to mention.

"Wait... How old are you again?", he asked, completely bewildered.

"Um...", quickly doing the math as every human year equaling 7 platypus years. "About...35."

"So.. You're a THIRTY-FIVE year-old woman, and this is your first date?", he asked, now more lost than ever.

"Um.. P-protective...family.", she quickly lied. "My uh.. My..."

'What's Carl to you?', she asked, knowing that was her new roomate, lied-family, and thusly, needed a place in the tree to be responsible for this shocking news. 'He's only a teenager...'

"My brother.", she finally said with a shrug, earning something a bit softer from the other. "A REALLY protective...and embarrassing...little brother."

After a moment of thinking it over, Heinz's expression relaxed more and he smiled a bit with a small nod.

"Yeah. That... Wow. He must be REALLY protective.", he pondered.

"W-well my uh...Dad..", Jane continued, instantly thinking of Francis for this role. "Y-you know controlled a lot of my teen years."

"Ah! Yeah. I know how that is.", Heinz finally smiled more genuinely and gave a knowledgable nod. "Okay.. Well.. Gosh. Now I feel kinda bad. This is like, the upteenth online date I've had."

"Oh no! No no that's actually good cause uh..", she stammered some more, knowing she had to keep him feeling good for this. "Cause well since it's my first, maybe.. Maybe dating someone more experienced will help me...uh.."

"Learn how it goes?", Heinz asked, hoping he chose his words right.

"Took the words right out of my mouth.", she smiled, being a little astonished he knew what to say.

The ice between them had broken and for the majority of dinner, things went rather smoothly. And for once, Jane had found herself to be wrong. She had expected a whiny brat complaining non-stop about his family and how bad his life was in which case she'd have to coddle him and pretend to care. Instead, Heinz said very little, if not advoided speaking of his family. And when asked, he said he loved them very much, just that there wasn't much to say. He surpsied her, in a way. He wasn't like he was when she fought him and for a split second Jane wondered if he was even the same Heinz Doofenshmirtz she saw six months ago. He was careful to not make mistakes. He was attentive and, dared she even say it? Almost nice. Jane knew the man wasn't entirely evil, but the dinner had really caught her attention with something she hadn't expected. He was hopeful the date would end well, that was for sure, but Jane got the feeling that things weren't going to be as bad as she first considered. When Dinner was over, the two walked about town for a bit. Still talking, it suddenly became a great means of entertainment to the silent woman. Heinz had managed to make her laugh, but only when he goofed up and accidentally ran into a tree when he was imitating one of his musical numbers. This, brought up thorough embarrassment, fast and furiously for the man as his face turned red.

"I-I'm sorry. I-I know I'm a goof.", he began to say quickly.

"No no! Heinz! That was good!", Jane said, waving it aside. "It was timed perfectly with the song! I loved it!"

"R-really?", he asked, surprised by her good humor. "Y-you weren't just laughing cause you thought I was an idiot?"

"Honest! I was laughing cause it was timed so good.", she said, finally helping him up. "You were just saying you were ontop of the world and what do you do? A silly thing like running into a tree. Not laughing at you, just laughing at the timing. Like you planned it."

He smiled some, relieved to be hearing this. He thought for a moment and then smiled a bit more.

"I could run into it again, if it'll make you laugh more.", he joked.

"No no. If you're gonna do it on purpose, I'll just call you a masochist.", she laughed, shaking her head.

Time became short and her curfew came close. Heinz offered to drive her home since "her brother car pooled her" and the ride was fairly plesent though she had to keep from laughing as the memory of him wearing ledderhosen and showing her as a platypus came back to her.

When they pulled up in the driveway he asked, "So... Did you have a good time?"

"...Honestly? It's been a great time.", she said with a smile.

He smiled a bit more himself and after a moment's hesitation, leaned closer, closing his eyes. She knew straight from the get-go that he was planning on kissing her. It was what EVERYONE who went on a date did in her soaps. But the sudden idea of kissing her NEMSIS, suddenly made her guts knot up. But if she pulled away, he'd be discouraged and wouldn't go out again and fall for the bait. Jane took a deep breath, shut her eyes tight, and prepared for a horrible ending.

'It's gonna be gross! He's gonna have snake-lips! It's going to be disgusting and I'm gonna MURDER Monogram for it later because it's-! He's-!', she thought until their lips met and her eyes fluttered open in astonishment.

Maybe it was because he used to be married. Maybe it was because he's been on so many failed dates. Maybe he had a lot of practice with a pillow as a teenager. But whatever the case was, it wasn't as bad as she expected. In fact...if Jane didn't know any better...it was...nice. It was really nice. But as she sighed and closed her eyes, giving more into the touch, she was suddenly pulled closer and hugged. All at once memories of her owners hugging her tightly and stroking her fur rushed back to the once-been platypus and with it added to the hug she recieved now, the pain of her heartbreak came back and was quickly trampeled on the appreciation and much desire that filled her as she laced her arms around him, pulling closer. Tears escaped her eyes and when Heinz broke them up and looked back, worry and fear quickly flooded him.

"Jane, are you crying? I'm sorry! I-I know it's your first time but I-I-"

"No! No. No no. Heinz..", she said, shaking her head. "I-I'm sorry but... It's just... It suddenly feels like a huge...weight's been lifted off."

She looked back at him, eyes sparkling with the overflow of tears.

"Thank you.. So much..", she said quietly before hugging him again, burieing her face into his chest.

Jane had been away from society for 2 months, scaling a mountain. She re-entered when she got to Owca's base 2 weeks after coming back down from said mountain. And during her return home she hasn't had much physical contact. Even from Carl. They danced, but they didn't hug. They certainly didn't kiss. The sudden revival of this reminded the woman how much she had missed it. How much she loved it and desired it. It almost tore her heart to go inside but she knew that Francis would be furious if she was home late from her first-date. As a platypus, Perry had never had a mate. The most love the platypus felt was from the Flynn-Fletchers. As a woman, she was suddenly surrounded in it and suddenly became much more grateful. It wasn't until she came into the room she was reminded who exactly she was grateful to.

"So how'd your date go?", Carl asked as soon as she walked in the front door.

Jane only sighed dreamily, wiping away another tear. She paused as she looked out the window and watched for a moment as Heinz's car pulled out into the busy street. Her smile widened and she walked to the kitchen, absent mindedly.

"...Perry?", Carl asked again, slightly louder.

"Hm? Oh! Sorry! Carl, my human name's Jane. Just thought of it at dinner.", she said quickly.

"Oh. Jane. Kay. So, JANE, how did the date go?", he said slowly and clearly.

"Oh! It was great! Oh my gosh, Carl I haven't ever seen Heinz like this!", she said happily. "He was sweet. He was caring. He paid good attention to me. Y'know, if I hadn't had to see him for the last 5 years, I would've sworn you guys sat me up with some other man but he was SO...different! It's like he's changed over the last half-year. I can barely believe it!"

"Did he buy you were some random girl and NOT Perry the Platypus?", Carl asked.

This, caught her off guard a moment before her mission suddenly came back to her mind. Her smile faded some and she looked back, almost alarmed.

"Oh... Oh um.. Y-yes. Yeah, he..he knew I was...He knew I was Jane. Not Perry.", she said, smiling a bit.

Carl noticed the sudden change in her demeanour and pondered this a moment.

"...Jane, are you okay?", he asked. "You seem...weird."

"Weird? Pfft! Ho-how can I be weird?", she said, nervously as she played with her hair.

"...Did you guys kiss?", Carl asked with a shrug, as if changing the topic.

"...Yes.", she said, smiling more to herself as her cheeks grew warm. She gave a sigh and continued. "And it was soo..."

"AHA!", Carl said, suddenly, pointing a finger at her. "Agent Perry the Platypus! You've fallen in LOVE with HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ!"

A wide, teasing smile was on the young boy's face and Jane made the mistake and was quick to react.

"WHAT? No! No!", she said, shaking her head. "N-No! I'm not in love with Heinz!"

"Yes you are! You're rambling about him, sighing and smiling dreamily, and now you're in denial! You're SO in love with him!", the boy continued, almost sounding like a teenage girl who was a sister to Jane.

"N-no! No! Carl I CAN'T be in love with him! That's exactly what Monogram said NOT to do!", she said, a hand over her mouth in horror. "If he finds out about this, he's going to have my head!"

"But it's true! You've fallen for your nemesis! Wow, you dropped fast.", Carl suddenly noted, almost astonished.

"Carl, you have GOT to promise me you won't tell Monogram!", she said quickly, pleading to him. "Please!"

"But then I-"

"Carl! Come on! I-I-I consider you as part of my family! Please! Don't tell him! If I lose this job, who else is gonna hire a platypus as a secret agent? It's all I've known!", she begged, literally BEGGED him.

Carl was slightly surprised. He was now in a position of actually being ABOVE a secret agent! Here she was. The best, smartest, toughest, greatest agent of the organization, on her KNEES pleading he would keep this a secret. After thought he smiled and agreed. And it was from that moment on, that they had kept their secret. The next day, Perry the Platypus was put into work as usual and Heinz would ramble on about what had happened over the last six months. Particularly fond of retelling the platypus of his recent love-life. As Perry sat there, hearing the tale of their date, the platypus smiled a bit, happy to hear the compliment Heinz was accidentally doling out as he spoke. For the next 6 months, it was their norm. The nights they were freed up, Heinz and Jane went on dates. The days were spent into their normal lives of good vs. evil and Perry made sure to not slip and fight off the evil that he saw. However, three months into the dating and Heinz had pretty much given up being evil. He explained it to Perry one day himself.

"I mean, she's a cop for crying out loud!", he was saying as Perry nodded. "I-If I really love her, I shouldn't be like this should I? I.. I shouldn't BE evil...right?"

Perry gave a shake of the head, smiling more so.

"Right. So.. So you won't hate me even more if I gave up evil will you?", he asked, knowing of the wonderful hate-filled friendship they shared. "I mean, you're not gonna think I'm just turning my back on you or that I care more about love than I hate you, right?"

Another, more excited, shake of the head and Heinz smiled a bit more and relaxed.

"Thank you Perry the Platypus.", he sighed, gratefully.

It was now Summer time once again. Perry woke up up in the bed again and looked about the apartment. Today Heinz was taking Jane out to the park. The platypus had to get ready. Heinz also woke up in a good mood. In an excited mood. Last night confirmed it. This woman had stayed with him for the last six months. She had loved him longer than Charlene did after they were married and she loved him more than any other woman. Today, Heinz was wanting to do something really nice for Jane. Something more special than just a walk in the park. But if he was planning on doing something great...

'I have GOT to get a shower first..', he thought to himself as he caught a glance in the bathroom mirror.

Showered, fed, dressed good, and with a boquet of flowers in hand, he was supposed to pick Jane up after her work. But he thought a little surprise pop-over would be a nice thought. He pulled up to the police station he was told she worked at and stopped for a moment. The only time he was here was when he was jailed with Dr. Diminuative. It felt a little weird to openly waltz right in with his bad history. But with the memory of his beloved Jane, he smiled, braved himself, and walked in. In the office, looking about some, a few of the police there couldn't help but noticed the lost-looking man and one decided to come over.

"Can I help you with something Sir?", she asked.

"Oh. Um.. Well is Jane Karl here? I-I was just wanting to drop by and say 'hi'.", he explained with a slight smile.

"Jane Karl?", the woman repeated with a confused look on her face. "Sir, I've worked here for a long time. There's NEVER been a woman named JANE KARL working here."

His eyebrows furrowed together.

"Never? That's...weird... She told me so herself.", he said, earning a shrug.

"I don't know who told you a crazy story like that but you've got the wrong place to find a woman named Jane Karl.", the woman said.

"Oh.. Um.. S-sorry. Didn't mean to bother anyone.", he stammered, quickly walking out of the room as his face grew hot.

How on earth did he make that mistake? Maybe he remembered the station wrong? Maybe she was fired and embarrassed to say? Whatever the case was, there was ONE thing he knew was right and that was where Jane lived. He could drive over and ask her himself.

The woman in question, was indeed at home. Prepareing to go on her mission after she confirmed with Francis what would be happening and getting her daily reminder that she needs to encourage marriage soon.

"Don't worry Sir.", she was saying. "It's going to go just fine."

Heinz then pulled into the parking lot and went to building. He climbed up the stairs to the door he knew was hers but paused as he heard a familiar voice. A VERY familiar voice. One he'd never be able to mistake.

"Well I'm just saying, we are on a tight-shift and if this goes over good, there's still others we could do.", Major Monogram was saying

"Sir, don't worry. Doofenshmirtz is like putty in the palm of my hand.", Jane said, suddenly making the man himself choke on his gasp of horror. "Just you wait. A few more dates and he'd be begging for my hand in marriage."

"Another villain, safely put out of harm's way, eh Sir?", the unpaid intern was saying. HE was in on this too?

"Exactly Carl.", the major seemed pleased as Heinz listened more carefully, hoping this wasn't true. "Agent P, I'd wish you good luck but with your human disguise and these last six months, I think you have enough of it."

His heart was shattered. It cracked when he heard Jane- no.. Agent P. PERRY'S voice. PERRY THE PLATYPUS was JANE! That's what made Heinz's heart shatter. He could literally feel the pain as he heard still more a thank you from the platywoman though her voice seemed so far away. He looked down at the flowers in his hand, the pain gnawing away at him. He threw them down and ran out of the building as fast as he could. Tears flooded in his eyes. Heartache weighing heavy in his chest. He had been lied to. For the last six months, his nemesis had lied to him. For the last six months, he had fallen in love with his nemesis, Perry the Platypus!

* * *

_Sorry about the lack of postiong anything on this story! I've been tied up with so many other things, I can't count them all. I'm working fast and furious to catch up now though. Most of the story's been cut off because I wanna get this done but I'm gonna write up all the deleted scenes from my stories and post that somewhere else so I'm not gonna ramble on about it here. Enjoy! Please review!_


	5. Chapter 5

Had he stayed a moment longer, this is what he would've heard. Monogram signed off and Jane groaned, leaning back into her seat as she pouted.

"Gosh, I hate talking about him like that!", she complained. "Heinz-the-puppet-this and Heinz-the-idiot-that. Vanessa was totally right. He's not an idiot. He's just a misunderstood genuis."

Carl couldn't help but chuckled and remark, "If the you last year heard you now, he'd punch you straight across the face and chatter something."

"Something like 'get your head on straight woman!'", Jane laughed. "Yeah. I know. I'm so backwards from what I used to be like. But what can I say? I love him."

"Love is kinda crazy like that. Be lucky though. YOU'VE got someone to love. Meanwhile, I still have no one.", Carl half-heartedly joked.

"Aw, cheer up. You'll find someone.", Jane encouraged with a playful shove.

The two laughed, shoving one another a bit and then Jane went to make a few last preparations.

"Hey Carl? You know something just occoured to me.", she said as she went to put her lipstick on. "I have absolutely NO idea what an intern does."

"Uh, it's just a lot of minor work basically.", Carl shrugged. "You point the camera, you punch in a few keys to make the sub-screens pop up. Nothing really."

"That's REALLY what an intern does?", she asked.

"Well that's what I've been taught an intern does. If you're so cuious, why not we look it up in the dictionary?"

It was a moment later that while Carl was heating up some left over chicken for his lunch, Jane had finally found "intern" in the dictionary.

"Here it is. Intern. 'Advanced student (as in medicine) gaining supervised experience.'", she repeated.

Carl quickly popped his head back in. A wild look of confusion and slight disgust.

"...What?", he asked.

"'Advanced student (as in medicine) gaining supervised experience.'", she repeated again, looking over, equally perplexed.

Carl quickly shook his head mouthing a definite "NO." and Jane laughed.

"RIIIGHT.", she said, tossing the book aside. "More accurate than the first definition."

"What was the first?", Carl asked from the kitchen.

"Confine, especially in a war.", she said, making Carl hit his head on the fridge's ceiling.

"WHAT THE HECK?!", he exclaimed, making her laugh more. "Okay! So wait! I've been LIED to?!"

"Ha ha ha! Yup! This whole time you've been nothing but an unpaid MINION!", she laughed. "Get to work, LACKEY!"

"Oh! You mean like Igor?", Carl laughed, suddenly coming into the room hunched over, pretending the part. "'Yeeeeshh Mashter...'"

"HA HA HA HA! Stop! Stop!", she said, waving her hand and shaking her head. "It's gonna hurt!"

"YEEESSHH Monogram..", Carl continued, making the woman fall out of the chair, holding her stomach in pain as tears came from her eyes.

"Oh my gosh!", she wheezed between laughs. "You should see yourself!"

When the laughter had quieted down and Jane was finally left alone as Carl went to do his "internship", something had occoured to her. It was far past time for Heinz to pick her up. Where was he? He KNEW today was their date. Right after her "job". She became concern. What if there was something holding him up? Luckily the DEI wasn't too far from the apartment. She walked over, took the elevator, and was soon up at his penthouse. They had traded apartment keys and she opened the door and looked about.

"Heinz?", she asked aloud. "You didn't show up for our date. Are you okay?"

She stepped into the room and finally found him standing in front of his large window that over looked the city. He heard her come in. But he had cried for so long that he didn't have the strength to talk back.

"Oh good you're okay.", she said in relief as she saw him standing there. "I was afraid you were hurt or sick or something."

The man said nothing but continued to stare out the window. He was lost in thought. His nemesis was here. There wasn't a trap prepared. What was he to do? What's worse, Perry wasn't here for a fight. Perry was here for a date. A set up. Another day on the job. That's what was making him mad. That this whole time he wasn't only being lied to, but the liar had no problem with it! Perry was ENJOYING the lies. He heard it himself.

"Honey?", she asked, stepping closer. "Heinz, hon. Why aren't you answering me? What's wrong?"

"...Why don't you tell ME what's wrong..", he finally said before whirling around, blood-shot in the eye as tears fell and hoarsed voice as he spoke angrily. "PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!"

It wasn't nessecary to say how startled the woman was, being addressed liked this. Especially with this sort of anger.

"Wh-?", she began before being interrupted.

"Don't start saying, 'who's Perry?' YOU KNOW DARN GOOD AND WELL WHO PERRY THE PLATYPUS IS!", he yelled, stepping closer. "I heard you, Perry! I came by your house today."

"YOU-!", she exclaimed in shock before being interrupted again.

"YEAH I came by! I was GOING to surprise you with flowers! I was GOING to go on with this little CON you've been suckering me into!", as he walked closer, she backed away, her fear strangling her with his words, bringing tears forth in her own eyes. "I can't believ you would stoop THAT low Perry the Platypus! I believed you! I trusted you! I LOVED YOU! Yeah! I loved you! You heard me say that a thousand times! And after LAST NIGHT?! That was all just a scham to get me out of being evil?! Well you've done the exact opposite now, Perry the Platypus! NOW I'm going to be TEN TIMES more evil because of you! Because of you, my heart, which was FINALLY just now starting to heal from the YEARS of heartbreak that you know very well about. My heart was FINALLY starting to see daylight and you RIPPED IT TO SHREDS! Shards! DUST Perry the Platypus! That's what it is now, DUST! THANKS A MILLION! The biggest emotionally scarring back story of this century! Heinz Doofenshmirtz, conned and pawned by his nemesis to give up evil! I can't believe you would go to this level! To impersonate a human girl and MAKE me fall in love with you! Well go ahead! I know it! You don't have to disguise yourself any more! Take off the wig, Perry the Platypus. You don't have to hide anything from me anymore."

Jane was speechless. She wanted to say something but when she opened her mouth to speak, Heinz refused to listen to more lies. After a moment, with tears in her eyes, Jane finally took off her earrings. The special earrings that caused her to be human, and changed back into a platypus. Heinz watched as the woman became smaller in body size and larger as her nose became a bill. The clothes turned itno blue fur and the familiar orange tail sprouted out behind her. Within moments, the monotreme stood infront of him, head hung in shame as Heinz scowled downwardly.

"...Go on.", he said finally. "Get out. I don't have an evil scheme planned. But you can tell Monobrow I'll DEFINITELY have one SPECIALLY made for you tomorrow."

Perry began to chatter but Heinz pointed to the door quickly.

"OUT!", he barked. "Get it in your mind, Perry! I HATE YOU!"


	6. Chapter 6

To see a man who had never yelled at you suddenly yelling, is certainly a scary thing. To live a lie is like a rat that gnaws away at your heart, only paining you when you remember it's there and disappearing when you buy the lie. To suddenly lose love, is like hearing a rock hitting a mirror and getting into a car crash mixed with vomit and tears all at once. To suddenly lose hope, no one can describe. And in the words of another author, if you had never experienced it, you can never imagine it. With this being only the first time it has happened, and the loss of not only love but her job as well, it amazed Jane that Carl was still in the dark of her attitude and was once again knocking on her bedroom door.

"Jane! Jane, you've been in there for the last THREE DAYS!", he said through the door. "The only time I see you is when you use the bathroom and get water!"

The moment Heinz had said it. Had said "I hate you", Perry ran out in fear. Heart torn as bad as his, tears falling faster and faster as the agent ran out of the building. Unable to grasp the words as they echoed eerily in the brain, Perry had ran to Carl's apartment. The moment the platypus came through the door it was slammed shut right before the bedroom door was shut and locked. Perry had put back on the earrings, being much more use to her human body and was sprawled out on the bed, dissolved in tears, even when Carl came back home. She hadn't reported with Monogram. She hadn't said anything beyond "go away" to Carl. The only other noise Carl heard from the bedroom was loud music and sobs. Now, three days later, Carl was starting to get fed up. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't speak. He finally went and got only one person he knew who could handle the job.

As Jane laid there in her bed, her mind traveled over the months as tear after tear fell.

_'"Heinz.."'_, Jane said as she sat opposite of him to dinner at his house. A curious question has been puzzling her. It was what reminded her of the lie she was living. If he answered right, she would believe it with everything and no longer see it as a lie. _'"...Would you love me...if something happened to me?"'_

_'"Hm? Yes. What? Is there something wrong?"'_, Heinz asked, feeling worried by the sudden question.

_'"No. But... If I was transformed into a boy, would you still love me?"'_, she pressed on, hoping he would still say yes.

_'"If you were a boy..."'_, Heinz looked at her curiously but after a moment of thought he nodded again. _'"Yes. If you became a boy, I would still love you."'_

_'"What if I became something else? What if I changed into an animal?"'_, she pressed on, her cheeks becoming warm as her heart pounded harder.

_'"What kind of animal?"'_, Heinz asked, knowing two definitions of the word when it came to lovers.

_'"A real animal. You know like...platypuses or something."'_, she shrugged, making the other raise his eyebrows in surprise.

_'"A platypus?"'_

_'"Would you still love me?"'_

_'"Yes."'_, he said, not needing a second thought. _'"Yes! Yes, even if you were a platypus. Jane, I love you. YOU. Who YOU are, and everything about YOU. No matter what you are, what you'll be, I'll ALWAYS love you."'_

'No matter what I am... Yeah right..', Jane thought bitterly to herself as she laid there in bed, her pillow wet from the tears.

There was a sudden bang on her door and she was slightly startled but the booming voice that followed didn't matter.

"Agent P come out of there!", Monogram said, having been dragged over to find out why there wasn't a report.

"MY NAME IS JANE!", she yelled angrily at the door. "AND GET LOST!"

"Jane? Who the heck is Jane?", Monogram asked.

"Um.. That's her human name.", Carl said. "S-something she's gotten used to being called."

"...JANE.", Monogram said in complete disdain. "Come on out here. I just want to talk to you."

There was silence except for a muffled sob.

"...You have to the count of three before I break down this door!", he barked. "One..! TWO...! TH-"

***Click!***

The door unlocked and after a moment, the door opened to a ratty black hair, pale-colored waxy-skinned, tear-stained, bright brown eyes against the bloodshot redness, red-lipped with blood still pouring down, disheveled and sickly looking Jane that made even Francis jump back in surprise.

"Ack!", Carl couldn't help but exclaim when they saw her.

"What do you want?", she croaked, leaning against her doorway as she gave a deathly scowl to Monogram. Her voice had obviously been hurt from the crying and yelling.

After he recovered himself, Francis quickly shook his head and regained his normal attitude, "Agent P, you haven't reported back in three days. Karl told me all you've been doing is hiding yourself in your bedroom. Why on earth would you do that?!"

Jane scoffed when she was called Agent P again and she turned to face Monogram head-on. She wasn't afraid this time. There was already enough stress on her mind and quite frankly, her job didn't need to be a part of it and it was high-time the major understood.

"First of all, you can cut the Agent P business and this is why FRANNY...", she hissed making Carl gasp in shock of her manner. "I lost. I failed this mission. He found out. Heinz dumped me and dumped me hard. I snuck out yesterday and saw that he blew up his own inator, but I still failed the mission. Okay?! So go ahead! Fire me! Owca's done nothing but cause me grief anyway! You kept me from Phineas and Ferb, you interrupt my days off, you forced me to date my nemesis, and you make me go on ridiculous goose chases! I'm not your lackey! I'm not like Carl! He dumped me okay?! It's over!"

As she spoke, tears began to angrily stream down her face once again and Carl was even more so surprised, hearing this.

"Oh no! No! Jane he DUMPED YOU?!"

"Yes!", she said in a sob, wiping the tears away. "Yes he did! He found out about it all!"

"Oh no!", Carl, having grown quite emotionally attached to her, quickly embraced her for comfort and Jane, very glad for the kindness, bent over to cry more into his shoulders. "Shhh.. I'm sure we can fix this!"

"No Carl! He found out everything! He hates me! He said it himself!", she said between sobs.

"OW!", Carl winced. "Oohh.. Ohh man..."

"He hates me...", she repeated hopelessly.

Francis quietly observed the scene, now finally realizing why this was such a big deal to her. It wasn't half the stuff she mentioned in her rant. His agent had fallen in love with her nemesis. And it was a complete violation of the rules. Hence why she would hold herself up in her room. Being a girl, first time being dumped and being told she was hated, as well as blatantly losing her job, it made sense. After a moment, Jane quietly went back into her room, fetched her hat, and gave it back to Monogram.

"I love him, Sir.. I don't deserve this hat..", she admitted quietly.

Francis simply took the hat and gave a nod. She began to take off the earrings as well and was stopped on this.

"Keep them. You fit into human society better than with the animals now. Besides, they're Carl's.", he said with half a shrug of indifference. "But seeing as how I have now lost my agent, Carl, it looks like I'm going to HAVE to pay you now."

"Rea- WHAT?", Carl asked in confusion.

"You're obviously family. This IS your apartment. You need some way to earn cash.", Francis explained. "Expect to see you work harder on your paid job than when you weren't paid. Starting tomorrow."

It was an odd mix of joy and hesitation to leap for that joy because of the sorrow that was taking place right beside him. Carl just gave a simple nod of understanding and a slight smile. With that, the major quit the room and Jane was given her due comfort for the rest of the day.

"Come on..", Carl encouraged. "You need something to eat."


	7. Chapter 7

Heinz played with his pencil like a kid stuck on a test in school. He stared down at the empty blueprint sheet below him and sighed. He had given up evil three months ago to dedicate more time to Perry. He's almost lost his entire spark for villainy now. Not even an idea of a really EVIL inator can come by. But during his concentration, there was a knock on the door and he looked over curiously.

"I'm coming.", he called out as he stood up and walked over.

He opened the door and for a moment had half a mind to shut it again until Francis Monogram began to talk.

"I'm not here to arrest you or anything.", he said quickly. "We need to talk."

Heinz glared at him for a moment, noticed Carl behind and then returned his gaze back to the ringleader.

"...It's about, Jane.", he said.

Heinz scoffed at this and started to close the door, "You mean, Perry the Platypus?"

"NO.", Francis said, his foot stopping the door and opening it back up. "I mean JANE. Janette Karl."

Heinz looked at him curiously. It wasn't like Francis to be calling his agent like this. And he obviously wasn't trying to convince him of a blatant lie either. It was a moment later they were sitting on the couch as the two explained everything that had happened. How Monogram had sat Perry up to lose his family, live with Carl, and assume the position of a girl hopelessly in love with Heinz. Carl also explained how as Jane, she had actually fallen in love with her assignment and has been making sure to take care of this secret which she only entrusted into him. How it also raised her guard to be especially careful as a platypus which resulted in a large amount of stress she would normally face until the day Heinz had given up evil. Her stress was even more so relaxed when she heard how Heinz would love her back.

"She wouldn't stop ranting about it. She was absolutely enthralled in having heard it!", he was saying, earning an understanding nod from the other.

"But then you found out...somehow.", Monogram cut in with a shrug of confusion.

It was Heinz's turn to retell the story, "I came over early for our date, wanting to surprise her with flowers. The police station tipped me how she didn't work there so even if I didn't hear anything, I would've found suspicion. Which, I guess, would've just been covered by even more lies!"

"Well that's the thing.", Carl said with half a sigh. "She always said that after you married her, she didn't want to keep lying to you. She said it hurt to do so. Doofenshmirtz, you have to understand, she fell REALLY HARD. You broke her to pieces when you dumped her!"

"Really now?", Heinz asked, even though his attitude conveyed that he couldn't care less.

"She was in her room crying for THREE STRAIGHT DAYS.", Carl said. "She really loved you. I can't deny that fact. It's too true. But now she's at home, right now, still crying as she's cleaning up. I can guarantee you that's what's happening."

And he couldn't be more right as Jane was on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor as she sobbed and sang to the song on the computer.

"I am not my own...", she said as the tears fell. "For I have been made new...! P-please don't let me go... I desper..."

Her sobs overwhelmed her words as she tried to make out the last notes. Heinz had listened to the story and had given his nods of understanding. He finally decided to ask only two things.

"So.. Why do you two care about coming to me about this?", he asked. "And what do you expect me to do about it?"

"Cause, I'm her brother.", Carl said. "I care about, Jane."

"Because I'm the other half of the only two who could explain the entire situation to you.", Monogram answered. "What we want YOU to do, however, is help her out. It's pathetic, really."

Heinz resisted the urge to throw a punch for hearing that but instead thought over it carefully.

"You mean... It's up to me to decide this ONE girl's love-life? To decide if I'm gonna marry her or not?"

There was a nod and another moment of silence as Heinz thought it over carefully.

A whole month passed after the decision was made and things had gotten better over the time. Jane hadn't seen Heinz or heard of him over the time and had found content as she convinced herself there was other opportunities at love and that her family-life was the more important of the two anyway. But as she started to put on her apron in an attempt to cook something edible for dinner, Carl came into the kitchen then, a slight smile on his face.

"Hey, Jane.", he said as he came in. "Don't put on your apron yet."

"What? Why?", she asked, slightly confused.

"Well, I was thinking and you know how we've been an actual family for about a whole month now...", Carl lead on.

"We kinda were before but.. Yeah. Without it being a cover, sup?"

"Well, I was thinking since we've been a family for a month now, why don't we have something more of a special dinner?"

"What? Out to eat?", she asked, wondering why he was leading on like he was careful to hide some huge surprise.

"Yeah! I mean, with as much money as you used to be paid, now that I'm getting it, we can afford something like that, right?", he asked with a shrug.

"Mm. I suppose you have a point. I-", she stopped and then turned to face him, her face becoming a stern glare. "...Carl how come you don't like MY cooking?"

"What?! I didn't say that!"

"But you're so persistent on eating out! I know I'm not the best but it could all be burnt, right?"

"Jane! It's nothing against your cooking! I just thought it's our family-versary. Let's celebrate by making someone else cook for us. THEN we don't have so many dishes to clean up afterward when we get back."

She did hate to do the dishes and agreed, apologizing for accusing Carl otherwise. But as they started to head out, Carl stopped and looked back at Jane.

"...What?", she asked, curious about the stare.

"...Nothing. It's just that... Well I have a place in mind and it's kind of...well it's a little fancy."

"What, you want me to dress up nice?"

"If it's no trouble. In fact, I should probably get ready myself."

Clothes were changed and when Jane stepped out of her room, Carl wasn't exactly pleased.

"I'm sorry Jane. Really. It's just a REALLY nice place.", he shrugged. "And besides, it IS a special occasion."

She sighed and rolled her eyes, wondering how many times a girl can change clothes. But not wanting to find out, she decided to go ahead and pull out her best. If Carl found this to be TOO good, she'd put her foot down and cook up something instead herself. There wasn't a need to change 5 times in one day.

She stepped back out again and as Carl observed, he smiled slowly.

"That's good.", he nodded in approval. "In fact... That's PERFECT."

She was slightly put off by his odd behavior but simply shrugged it off and headed to the car with him. After some driving, they finally reached the restaurant and Jane had to give props. It WAS a pretty nice-looking place. No Chez Platypus, but it was obviously for really special occasions.

'Guess a family really meant something to an adult orphan.', she figured as they walked in and were seated.

As they sat, looking over the menu, Carl slipped a hand to his pocket for only a second. After a moment, Jane's head looked up and glanced to a window.

"Am I hearing the car alarm?", she asked.

"Yeah, me too. I'll go see what it is.", he said, standing up.

"You sure, Carl? I mean, what if someone's breaking in?", she said, starting to get up.

"No no. It's probably nothing.", he said reassuringly. "Sit. Order. I'll be right back."

He walked out and she shrugged it off and looked back at the menu. After a moment the alarm stopped and within minutes there was a scuffling from across the table. She didn't have to look to guess it was Carl and smiled.

"So did you have to break a nose?", she chuckled.

"No.", a voice said, making her drop her menu in heart-stopping shock. "But I did break a heart once."

It was easy to say her eyes became wide as she saw Heinz sitting across the table from her. For a moment, she even wondered if it was the same Heinz but she knew she couldn't be mistaken. Only one man could have that nose with that skinny a face. She's seen the family photos before. Though his hair was neatened up a bit and his clothes didn't include a lab coat. She looked about, wondering where Carl was then and then leaned forward with an urgent look on her face.

"What on earth are you doing here?!", she asked in a harsh whisper.

"Good question!", Heinz said with a smile, still looking at his menu as if it was a normal conversation between friends. "I hear the service here is TERRIBLE."

"Heinz! Do you even remember who I am?", she asked, feeling her face grow warm in embarrassment. "I'm Perry. The same person you hate?"

"Do I hate you?", he asked, finally becoming serious as he looked back at her. "Cause I don't think I do."

She was at a lost. First he dumps her, then he's sitting here, in Carl's seat, saying he doesn't hate her? Carl.

'Where IS Carl?', she wondered as she looked about again.

"Jane, forget Carl right now.", Heinz said, already understanding her perplexity. "He sat this up with me and Francis. I'm not lying to you."

"Then why on earth are you bothering with this?", she asked, completely confused. "You're not making sense!"

"Because they told me what happened.", he said, catching her by surprise. "How much I hurt you. I'm sorry, Jane."

She knew when he was being honest and when he was lying but this time she just wasn't sure. His eyes rang truth but the past was still overwhelming her decision.

"Jane, please. Please accept the apology. I really am sorry! I didn't know you actually loved me! I honestly thought it was just a set-up."

"Like this one?", she asked, starting to get annoyed.

"Yes. Only THIS set-up is for nothing but love. Evil and good aside, Jane, I love you.", he said, earning a head shake of doubt. "I do! What can I do to prove it to you? I love you. I'll do anything."

"I can't believe you.", she said indifferently, turning away.

Carl and Monogram, who had planned this from when Heinz agreed, were watching from a table a bit of a ways behind them. Able to hear the conversation but still able to blend with the crowd and seeing Jane turning away from Heinz, brought their own grief.

"Oh come on!", Carl said quietly. "Jane! You know he loves you!"

"Calm down, Carl. She's not the best agent for nothing.", Francis said, implying a compliment to her brains.

"Jane, please.", Heinz said, getting out of the chair, down in front of her on his knees, holding up a small box with a ring in it. A ring he was planning on giving to her a month ago while they were at the park. His eyes were wide and shimmering with hope as he spoke quietly, as if uttering a sacred secret between them. "Will you please marry me?"

Jane's attention was caught by his sudden movement and was surprised to see a ring. An engagement ring? FOR HER? He was actually proposing to her. And really hopeful of her answer. She looked at the ring, looked back at him, at the ring, and then back at him, seeming to be bought. But her wistful look turned into a scowl of determination.

"No..", she said, quietly at first but then louder. "No! No I WON'T marry you!"

Her words burned deeply into him like fire as he looked back in horror. Carl started to get out of his own seat, wanting to put an end to this madness but Francis was faster and grabbed him by the back of the shirt and sat him down. Jane held her ground as she watched the man's aghast features morph into depression and pain from the rejection.

"...Hurts, huh?", she asked.

"...Yes.", he admitted quietly, holding a hand to his chest as the burn seared through him like lightning.

She watched for a moment as a few tears escaped and her stern expression softened when she came out of her own seat, down to him, and lifted his face to meet her own hurt gaze.

"So you know how I felt...right?"

"Yes.", he nodded.

"Then of course I'd marry you.", she said with a sympathetic shake of her head and a smile.

The man's eyes widened but as he smiled and leaned to kiss, she stopped him for only a moment.

"But I can't.", she said with a slightly teasing smile.

"...Why?", he asked, bewildered.

"Because you're proposing to Jane, the boy platypus that disguised himself as a human girl, right?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't keep waiting till our wedding day. I'm not that.", she whispered the real secret in his ear and made him jump back in surprise.

"You've been a girl this whole time?!", he asked in shock, making her laugh.

"Yes. Well duh!", she said with an eye-roll. "Carl's earrings? They made me human. They didn't change my gender! I sweat milk, Heinz. Of course I'm female! Ha ha ha!"

"Why on earth didn't you correct anyone?", he asked.

"Cause it was always amusing to be mistaken for a boy.", she shrugged with another shake of her head. "I love you, Heinz."

"I love you too, Jane.", he smiled feeling slightly awkward for not having known his nemesis was always a girl and that his lover was just now deciding to tell him this.

But awkward aside, as crazy as the world was, there was one thing the two knew was true. A kiss and a hug shared between them, was more comfort than anyone else could imagine.

The End.


End file.
